Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Confessions of a broad minded Woman- IX

“Hey, relax! I know what you meant. I don’t read between the lines.”

A white lie through the teeth. Even a thesaurus cannot come close to the meanings that we can spin off. From dissecting the sentence syllable by syllable, to observing the emoticon and pitch of voice, everything goes for a thorough scrutiny to understand what he meant.

I’m not joking here. Why do you think Screen shots are there? What do you think goes on in a hushed conversation in a girl’s group? We will give linguist enthusiasts a run for their money with our conversation analysis.

Another trade secret that you are not aware of is that, we are experts in mergers and acquisition. No no, not that finance specialization. We are capable of merging a random sentence that you spoke 10 months back with the message that you sent a couple of minutes back.

If a sentence that you told could be interpreted in two ways: one flattering andthe other accusatory, we will obviously take the accusatory. Of course, outside we will smile and be cool. But the frustration pile is adding up. One day you will face the volcano eruption.

To ice the cake, any random comment of yours that could be directly/indirectly, verbally/orally, wholly/partially connected to the ancient fight that we had, will be underlined, italicized and marked in bold.

Better give a disclaimer with every sentence or try clearing our cache memory often to enjoy uninterrupted broad-mindedness.

P.S: this article doesn’t qualify for boyfriends alone. It holds good for everyone.

Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Confessions of a broad minded woman- VIII

“Temptation will crack under the pressure of tempting me. I symbolize self control.”

Something that every broad-minded woman says holding her head high. The world can’t agree more. It is a true blessing that people can’t read our minds like Edward Cullen. If only they could, the true battle will be exposed.

Be it the urge to binge-eating or bite back with sarcasm at the work place, we control it so smoothly and talk as soft as satin. A deep breath, squaring the shoulder and a bright smile- temptation will run away with its tail between its legs. How heroic and nice it sounds?

Here is the villainy effort behind the screen. We see the chocolate dripping donut sprinkled with tidbits placed on the table. The brain and heart have the most heated conversation the UNO has ever seen.

Heart: Oh my god! Oh my god! I would trade my boyfriend for this donut.

Brain: Yeah right! Remember the weight loss goals we have. Forget it! Don’t think how it will taste. Don’t smell its aroma. Just don’t think how it will melt in your mouth. This is what we read. Come on, we can do this!

Heart: Duffer! Just by telling me what not to do, you made me think all those. Yummmmm! That appetizing aroma, the texture of silky chocolate between the fingers, the soft baked dough between the teeth… ooooh.. I want it! Now, now, now!!

Just when the fingers are about to reach for the donut, everyone around will start gushing on how strong we are by not tasting the donut. Huffff (sigh)…! There goes the donut. One last murderous look at it. The evil temptation that tried killing my will power is now cowering in the corner.

This is exactly what happens behind that squared shoulders and calm breath. Not just for a donut, but for many more things.

The new cute guy across the house, who has that sparkling dimple looks like a potential crush- Don’t even dream about it. Wounds are just healing.

That dazzling pearl earrings in the store- Baby, we are already broken for the month. Besides, you know that pearl doesn’t suit us.

One more tequila shot with lime- Hangover is already sure on tomorrow’s slot! When will you get a hold of yourself? Stop sloshing.

The boss who doesn’t understand your sarcasm- He ensures you pay your bills every month. Let’s call it a holiday for being sassy.

Next time you see a strong woman, turning down something beating the temptation, give her a standing ovation. Anyone who wins World War III single-handedly deserves at least this much.