Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Missing you with no regrets

Days have rolled and you haven’t come by. I know for sure you wouldn’t turn up at my doorstep anytime at all. I don’t want to come in search of you again. I have lost you forever. There are moments of weakness when I wonder how I could have avoided all these. How things could have been different if we hadn’t drifted apart.

Mind is a powerful tool of imagination. It is also a repository of memories. Life has a rude way of slapping reality to life. The café across the street looks cozy even without us. The empty backseat of my bike doesn’t bother my rides. My mobile still keeps pinging with messages from others. Your name is gradually going down in the ‘frequently called’ list. The special ringtone kept for you, now rings for everyone.

I see new movies in the same theatre we went to. The walks around the race course still happens- with music. The void you left behind is slowly shrinking to a dull ache at the bottom of the heart. I could even manage a smile when I remember a random silly conversation of ours. I don’t feel the urge to run away somewhere, each time your memory pops up.

I have learnt to appreciate the good times we had and hold you dear only for that. The hurt and pain wasn’t your problem. Like everyone else, you had your reasons too: Situation, opportunities, incompatibility, I-was-too-good-for-you, burnt experiences and others.

You were there. Now, you are not there. What difference does it make? Technically, none. Days have same 24 hours and the seasons roll the same way. I get a promotion at work and your new opportunities are exciting enough to keep moving.

Life is funny. What was the center of my universe isn’t even a part of my universe now. Yet, the functionality is still robust. Love, warmth, pain, hurt- all are just frills of life. Life works the same sans the frills too. May be a little less artful- but intact and going!

I miss you. Truly. But no regrets.