Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Confessions of a broad minded woman- VII

“I learn from my mistakes. I ensure I don’t repeat them again. Especially in my relationships.”

We could very well be saying how colourful the moon looks every other day. With all due self-credit, we do analyze the reason for a broken relationship. We play fair and square and make the balance sheet for both the parties. The prepared balance sheet goes for self assessment. Most often than not, we hit the bull’s eye and find out our mistakes too. Once found, we graciously bow down and accept it. After all, we are broad minded women who own up to their mistakes!

Not stopping with the realization, we also promise ourselves that we shan’t repeat the mistakes again. Imagine it like a permanent tattoo to reiterate. Just when we are healed and good, a new relationship starts. All goes good for a while. Then begins the true trouble. The dog’s tail as usual starts curling up. A pattern starts developing.

When we try stopping ourselves from breaking the pattern, our brain comes up with this super fool-proof logic: “No two individuals are same. Just because this was the problem in the last relationship, doesn’t mean it will screw up this time too.” Like the hypnotized cartoons, coils replace our pupils and we start doing the same dumb thing again.

Like the sixth confession , in the name of giving space, we might come across as Aloof and uninterested. But once again, in the new relationship, we end up doing the same ‘Space Travel’.

We do take precautionary step and be ready to retract the moment we see Red alarm going off. Still, sometimes we put our feet down and wail, “If I keep doing it, it means it is my character. Is the relationship worthy to change myself?”

Poof! There is the relationship breaker. We are aware of the wreckage too. But somewhere between being sensible and being stubborn, we end up doing the same mistake again. Sometimes, multiple times until it becomes a wakeup call to change the trait.

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Missing you with no regrets

Days have rolled and you haven’t come by. I know for sure you wouldn’t turn up at my doorstep anytime at all. I don’t want to come in search of you again. I have lost you forever. There are moments of weakness when I wonder how I could have avoided all these. How things could have been different if we hadn’t drifted apart.

Mind is a powerful tool of imagination. It is also a repository of memories. Life has a rude way of slapping reality to life. The cafĂ© across the street looks cozy even without us. The empty backseat of my bike doesn’t bother my rides. My mobile still keeps pinging with messages from others. Your name is gradually going down in the ‘frequently called’ list. The special ringtone kept for you, now rings for everyone.

I see new movies in the same theatre we went to. The walks around the race course still happens- with music. The void you left behind is slowly shrinking to a dull ache at the bottom of the heart. I could even manage a smile when I remember a random silly conversation of ours. I don’t feel the urge to run away somewhere, each time your memory pops up.

I have learnt to appreciate the good times we had and hold you dear only for that. The hurt and pain wasn’t your problem. Like everyone else, you had your reasons too: Situation, opportunities, incompatibility, I-was-too-good-for-you, burnt experiences and others.

You were there. Now, you are not there. What difference does it make? Technically, none. Days have same 24 hours and the seasons roll the same way. I get a promotion at work and your new opportunities are exciting enough to keep moving.

Life is funny. What was the center of my universe isn’t even a part of my universe now. Yet, the functionality is still robust. Love, warmth, pain, hurt- all are just frills of life. Life works the same sans the frills too. May be a little less artful- but intact and going!

I miss you. Truly. But no regrets.